The End is Almost Near

The end is almost. As we speak, we may finally count the days of my five year college education, as it is about to close its curtains. I could hear myself clapping from the backstage, patting everyone's back, congratulating the people who has been a great part of my life. And although I could vividly imagine that great scenario, the fact that a big chunk is still holding us back, is giving me a nasty headache and the verge to cry. 

As this big event is about to happen, dilemmas are definitely rushing and thrown at me at the same time. Things like, where I am suppose to go after college? Am I going to work here or somewhere that I want to be? Or what happens to my lovelife when I have to go far away (like someone I want told me about their feelings yet)? or, is there a future for me?

the last question scares me most of the time. Having my kind of parents, often times you'd definitely doubt yourself. I am often discouraged by the way they their plans and what they want for me. Apparently, I disagree with them... like all the time! Another thing that has been bothering us is our final project. For me, once I couldn't graduate because of this, I know I would not surely die inside, the really, I will. I cannot shame myself from my parents. I cannot shame myself from the whole family, nor to the people I am known with. It kills more of than expected. 

Without little light I am trying to hold on. Even if we all know that things might not be okay, but still we all are hopeful to be okay. I am never an optimist, but with all that makes sense, I know every hard work is something to look forward to.

Hello there my Anchor.

September 15, 2013

One year has finally past. But there are still those times when I look at you, I would still think of "Sayang"

Most of the time, I blame myself. I blame myself for not trying to find the happiness I should have felt in you, that I did not fight for us, that I am very much practical when it comes to love. I hate myself for not giving my all, that as you said I have been living in my "personal fable", that I did not even see where you stand anymore. 

I know that I loved you. And true loving hurts. But I have been such a coward for trying to wait longer. Maybe all I wanted was a little bit more of your attention than usual. That maybe, the love you were showing me, the attention you were giving me did not feel enough. That maybe, we were not just enough for each other...

Okay. Stop. I do not want to blame either of us anymore. We had our own imperfections. We loved each other, we promised a future. But no matter how much we have hurt each other, or no matter how much I have hurt you, you are still a very important person in my life. You are my first real love, Mr. Anchor. And no matter how much you would think that I have moved on from US already, put in mind that "first cut is always the deepest" :)). And you were my first cut. I have loved you more than I know will ever love anyone because I've already given everything to you. And maybe that's the reason why I know I have to give myself a chance to finally be alone, get a grip on things, and finally make myself happy first before I could finally love anyone again. 

Thanking you for the good memories will be insulting, and asking for forgiveness is just too much. All I want is for us to be happy. Saying good bye might be hurting for now. But I know, in me, what we had, the US, will never be forgotten. The memories we had are the few important things I will always cherish in my life. Our cries, misunderstandings, fights and friendship; they will be kept safe in my memory bank. You don't know how much I have loved you My Anchor. But wee have to grow. Even if it's not with each other's company. Even if it will forever scar our hearts. Take our relationship as an opportunity of learning, of growing, of self-help. 

Maybe, as you're reading, at some point you'll find this a crap. But I have thought of us carefully. The universe knew that at some point we had to find each other's path, and it knew we had to part at somewhere for us to learn and understand. We may never know what it is and why. But things happen for a reason. Maybe you'll still find the best girl for you, to fall in love with her each and everyday, to make her happier than what we had, to give her your full time and effort, just for her; without you trying so hard. And when that happens, when I see it in your eyes that you're happy, I know I'll also be. Because I know, you found your true match. Again, the future is too uncertain to deal with. What I want you to do right now is find yourself, love yourself, and find your happiness. 

There are a lot of people who loves you My Anchor, and I am one of them. You are and will still be an important person in my life. No matter how much hurt we've been through, I appreciated everything we had. Our friendship is one thing I will never dare to end. You mean everything to me. But for now, let's find ourselves and be happy, okay? And don't you dare telling me that I'm the only one that makes you happy because I know there are a lot other things that catches your attention and uplifts your spirit in so many ways. I am not your world (I sound conceited, but true). And hang on to your family and friends, you'll find life more pleasing than just having me around ^__^

You know I'm still here when you need someone to talk to. You know I'll be that one person you can always rely on to. :') Maybe it's a good bye for now, but don't forget what we had, and that I am still a friend you can always count on.

I don't know how to end this, but know that I loved you and I will always love you as a person who left a great mark in my life.

If I were given a chance to be with you, let me play this to you.

I am not an expert, and I only know one piano piece, and it's not even the complete song.. but I think you know how much competitive I am on things. <3

 I fell in love with this piece, and I just keep on hitting replay and I know I will never get tired of this. It's been my comfort ever since I heard it, just like you are, from the moment I knew where you stand in my life. The possibility of us may not be clear today. But I know that somehow, in me, I wanted you to be a part of my everyday, my lifetime, and my infinity.

And I am more than thankful to have met you in this moment, in this timeline that we are into. Just like the story of this symphony, no matter where we are in a parallel universe, I know that we have met somewhere, and fell deeply in love without even knowing it. And I hate that our universes are messing with the two of us, fooling us around with what and how we feel and why we have to feel this way. And it's the universe trying to make us think how impossible loving can be.

As I am listening to this, I am thinking of you, and how you are to me in every single day we spent. Even if time was not ours. Even if maybe I was not for you. And I want you to know, that I have thought of you, for millions of times in my heart and in my mind, just as many times as this piano piece keeps on hitting replay.

Thank you for making me believe that true love might exist, even in the most silliest possibilities.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZeA7bd-M1E

Dark chocolates, pigeons, and You.

It's funny when everything starts with a smile, a hug, or with friendship.

I realize you can always fight and stop your feelings when you don't like a person that much. that maybe you can put off things or handle them as easy as can be and not worry. But for people who are much more likable than you expect them to be, they can make you so happy effortlessly.

"I must not fall in love yet." this I keep on telling myself. But there are things that happen unexpectedly on some occasions that you cannot control, because;

1.) It just makes you happy. When you know that person happens to be around, when you know that you get the chance to talk and even stay with them for quite some time.

2.) This is something new. A feeling that you never thought you'd ever feel until you finally met and knew that person. Too many mixed emotions that you couldn't really understand if it is good or bad. If what you feel could be normal or weird, it doesn't really matter, as long you find that feeling positive. Just because you think it makes you happy.

3.) You know that person will always be there. Because you know that companionship is important. That everything boils down to being good friends.

To actually feel this very strong drive towards this particular person, I don't think I can stop this anytime soon. I have managed myself to too many mistakes in the past, and the situation I am in right now doesn't help much; it just adds to my problem. But the happiness I feel is too overwhelming, that stopping it right now would ruin me for no apparent reason.

To actually feel happy just by looking at this person's face, the way he tilt's his head when he is in question, the way we almost see each other face to face when I rest my head on his shoulders, the way we see things eye to eye, and the other too many things I cannot explain when I am with him. To know that he cares even he doesn't say much. I can literally hear my heart, how it skips and rolls and tries to shout but still praying that the people around me wouldn't even notice.

I realize right now that I am totally into him. That I really like him. And at the moment, It's just too sad that I cannot fall in love with him just yet, and be with him. But then I know, I can't stop what I feel either. And so we realized that we have to live for now. To believe on
what we HAVE now. And just be WITH HIM when I still have the chance and the time.

To spend my days with him and live for now. There is nothing else more I want to think about than waste my whole time with him. It's okay that maybe we're both afraid of what's gonna happen in future, but this is just too fun that we do not really have to end it yet, right?

I like you so much. And so I guess this blog is my confession. I don't know when will you ever read this and when will I ever get an ending to this. But I shall wait and see. :3 <3

We made Hogwarts happen :')

March 30, 2014, Sunday, We, the SALT Community Swore that we were up to no good :')

To be given just a week to prepare, who would've thought that we could pull it off?!?!

The annual Despedida (Farewell) Party was just too perfect for everyone. There were just enough Potter Heads to give their ideas on what to do to this event. The night was just too magical :')

We made Hogwarts happen. And it is because of love to be able to give this much effort to make everyone happy. To never let anyone down and just give our soul to all the things we do to serve other people.

This will forever a night i will never forget. such love. too much love given and received from everybody.

"Mischief Managed" -all the love <3

2 decades of existence. Cheers!

I was born on January 12th, 1994. 8:55pm.

Mom said she had labor pains that day. She checked in in the hospital 9am in the morning and was freed from the pain 5minutes before the 12th hour. She'd really gone through a lot. ;")

I am now 20 years old. There's really not much to say, but yes I am excited of what this year will have to say. As I am looking at myself right now, yeah I might've aged but I'm a child who's still on the process of learning more about life.

And so then, I wouldn't rush myself of growing up. Thinking about it too much would just make me too old. And everyone and I mean EVERYONE, should always keep the child in them. No matter what they're going through as of this moment, may it be in a bad shape or otherwise. :3

And so here comes the drama part...

20 years of existence.

I cannot thank more than my family who have been there all this time. Through thick or thin. They witnessed all of my ups and downs. I love them so much. :*

To my closest, best of friends, the families I have found when growing up, who helped me understand what I have to be. You people were my daily diaries. My keepers.  I thank you for listening all of my blabbering when I had no one to turn to. You are my second family and I cherish everyday, every moment I have with all of you. Thank you and I love you all. :*

I am celebrating my new year very simple. A holy time with my family and especially with God is just exactly what I need. He gave me this life, He gave me everything that I need, and I know He'll be there to be with me along my journey. The biggest THANK YOU is for Him and I think He already knows that :"3

To 20 years and beyond! *confettieverywhere.

Me and SALT

2013's so far the Greatest Event...Of my Life.

Suppose newbies have to post pictures that are great but this is my first ever photo and it's uhhh..yeah. hahaha

35th year of SALT. A family I found and will forever cherish.