September 15, 2013
Most of the time, I blame myself. I blame myself for not trying to find the happiness I should have felt in you, that I did not fight for us, that I am very much practical when it comes to love. I hate myself for not giving my all, that as you said I have been living in my "personal fable", that I did not even see where you stand anymore.
I know that I loved you. And true loving hurts. But I have been such a coward for trying to wait longer. Maybe all I wanted was a little bit more of your attention than usual. That maybe, the love you were showing me, the attention you were giving me did not feel enough. That maybe, we were not just enough for each other...
Okay. Stop. I do not want to blame either of us anymore. We had our own imperfections. We loved each other, we promised a future. But no matter how much we have hurt each other, or no matter how much I have hurt you, you are still a very important person in my life. You are my first real love, Mr. Anchor. And no matter how much you would think that I have moved on from US already, put in mind that "first cut is always the deepest" :)). And you were my first cut. I have loved you more than I know will ever love anyone because I've already given everything to you. And maybe that's the reason why I know I have to give myself a chance to finally be alone, get a grip on things, and finally make myself happy first before I could finally love anyone again.
Thanking you for the good memories will be insulting, and asking for forgiveness is just too much. All I want is for us to be happy. Saying good bye might be hurting for now. But I know, in me, what we had, the US, will never be forgotten. The memories we had are the few important things I will always cherish in my life. Our cries, misunderstandings, fights and friendship; they will be kept safe in my memory bank. You don't know how much I have loved you My Anchor. But wee have to grow. Even if it's not with each other's company. Even if it will forever scar our hearts. Take our relationship as an opportunity of learning, of growing, of self-help.
Maybe, as you're reading, at some point you'll find this a crap. But I have thought of us carefully. The universe knew that at some point we had to find each other's path, and it knew we had to part at somewhere for us to learn and understand. We may never know what it is and why. But things happen for a reason. Maybe you'll still find the best girl for you, to fall in love with her each and everyday, to make her happier than what we had, to give her your full time and effort, just for her; without you trying so hard. And when that happens, when I see it in your eyes that you're happy, I know I'll also be. Because I know, you found your true match. Again, the future is too uncertain to deal with. What I want you to do right now is find yourself, love yourself, and find your happiness.
There are a lot of people who loves you My Anchor, and I am one of them. You are and will still be an important person in my life. No matter how much hurt we've been through, I appreciated everything we had. Our friendship is one thing I will never dare to end. You mean everything to me. But for now, let's find ourselves and be happy, okay? And don't you dare telling me that I'm the only one that makes you happy because I know there are a lot other things that catches your attention and uplifts your spirit in so many ways. I am not your world (I sound conceited, but true). And hang on to your family and friends, you'll find life more pleasing than just having me around ^__^
You know I'm still here when you need someone to talk to. You know I'll be that one person you can always rely on to. :') Maybe it's a good bye for now, but don't forget what we had, and that I am still a friend you can always count on.
I don't know how to end this, but know that I loved you and I will always love you as a person who left a great mark in my life.
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