I realize you can always fight and stop your feelings when you don't like a person that much. that maybe you can put off things or handle them as easy as can be and not worry. But for people who are much more likable than you expect them to be, they can make you so happy effortlessly.
"I must not fall in love yet." this I keep on telling myself. But there are things that happen unexpectedly on some occasions that you cannot control, because;
1.) It just makes you happy. When you know that person happens to be around, when you know that you get the chance to talk and even stay with them for quite some time.
2.) This is something new. A feeling that you never thought you'd ever feel until you finally met and knew that person. Too many mixed emotions that you couldn't really understand if it is good or bad. If what you feel could be normal or weird, it doesn't really matter, as long you find that feeling positive. Just because you think it makes you happy.
3.) You know that person will always be there. Because you know that companionship is important. That everything boils down to being good friends.
To actually feel this very strong drive towards this particular person, I don't think I can stop this anytime soon. I have managed myself to too many mistakes in the past, and the situation I am in right now doesn't help much; it just adds to my problem. But the happiness I feel is too overwhelming, that stopping it right now would ruin me for no apparent reason.
To actually feel happy just by looking at this person's face, the way he tilt's his head when he is in question, the way we almost see each other face to face when I rest my head on his shoulders, the way we see things eye to eye, and the other too many things I cannot explain when I am with him. To know that he cares even he doesn't say much. I can literally hear my heart, how it skips and rolls and tries to shout but still praying that the people around me wouldn't even notice.
I realize right now that I am totally into him. That I really like him. And at the moment, It's just too sad that I cannot fall in love with him just yet, and be with him. But then I know, I can't stop what I feel either. And so we realized that we have to live for now. To believe on
what we HAVE now. And just be WITH HIM when I still have the chance and the time.
To spend my days with him and live for now. There is nothing else more I want to think about than waste my whole time with him. It's okay that maybe we're both afraid of what's gonna happen in future, but this is just too fun that we do not really have to end it yet, right?
I like you so much. And so I guess this blog is my confession. I don't know when will you ever read this and when will I ever get an ending to this. But I shall wait and see. :3 <3
